


Life Went On

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-05
Updated: 2003-04-05
Packaged: 2019-05-30 18:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15102239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: What if Josh came back to work after the shooting and nobody noticed he did.





	1. Life Went On

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

Disclaimer: I don't own these lovely characters, but I wish I could have thought them up.

Life went on

By Mer

Part 1

Josh Lyman's Apartment 4:00 am

I woke up for seemingly the millionth time that night and I turned to look at the clock. It was four in the morning. The numbers on the clock seemed to be taunting me, they were like ha, it has only been twenty minutes since you last looked over.

I groaned and I laid my head back down on the pillow. In exactly three hours I had to be at work. My first day back...my first day back since I was shot. Even though it happened months ago, my thoughts just stop when I even try to think about it. Not that the night is ever to far from my mind.

I took my finger and I traced over a pale red scar on my chest. It serves as a reminder that the doctors fought hard to save my life. Fought hard to save my life after some prejudice kids tried to take me out. Granted I wasn't the target, but my friend Charlie was, so in some respect I feel honored that it was me that got hit and not him.

And in the months after the shooting I have been left to ponder why I didn't die that night. I should've died that night, I should've died on those cold concrete steps in Roslyn, Virginia, but I didn't. Maybe it was because as my assistant Donna once said, "My ego wasn't ready to leave this earth yet."

Donna. Man she has been through hell these past few months. Not only was she there for me at the hospital, spending 14 agonizing hours wondering whether or not I was going to live or die, but she has been here for me through my recovery. She has been here to make sure that I didn't try to do to much to fast, and I think to help me from going totally insane in my apartment by myself.

The one good thing about that night was the fact that Donna wasn't there. I am grateful for that. She was tired and I let her go home early. Even though I could've forced her to go because of an incident with my chair, but I am so glad that she was safe at home when the shots rang out.

I have noted the concern on Donna's face a time or two, when she says that she wasn't there. I think that she feels guilty about it or something. I have tried to tell her that I was grateful that I was shot instead of her, but I don't think she really heard me.

While Donna has played a big part in my physical recovery, I have tried to shield her from my mental one. She knows that I have had some trouble sleeping, but she would never imagine just how much. I tried not to let her know it but hiding the truth from her is very hard. It's especially hard when the nightmares hit so close to home.

Naturally, I have had flashbacks to the shooting, but I have also had flashbacks to another incident in which I could've died. When I was a kid there was a fire at my house, I lived but my older sister didn't. I've started to have dreams about that incident again, along with the shooting and it seems as if my sister is taunting me.

That's why I am awake at four in the morning, because a voice inside my head keeps trying to tell me that I should've died when I was six and I should've died that night. Sometimes, it makes me wish that I had died back then and that Joanie had lived. Sometimes, it makes me wonder what makes me so special as to escape death twice, and my sister not to of escaped it once.

I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts, but they never really do subside. I'm hoping that being allowed to go back to work will ease some of my guilt because my mind will be on other things. I never thought that I miss working twenty hour days, and having my assistant tell me that she won't bring me any coffee. But I do, which is why I should be sleeping so I can be refreshed for the morning of work that I have a head of me.

Donna Moss's apartment 4:30 am

I was having this really great dream when something woke me up. I bolted upright in bed, but I realized that it must have just been something that was in the dream. Glancing at the clock, I groaned and laid back down. Why did it have to be almost four-thirty? My alarm was ready to go off in a half-hour.

Being an assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff, I was normally at work by six-thirty at the latest, even though my boss had a bad habit of sleeping in. I had to smile because Josh really wasn't a morning person. He was usually pretty cranky until he had at least two or three cups of coffee and until it was around lunch time. But those were just his good days.

It dawned on me that today was Monday and Josh was coming back to work. The doctor advised him to only go half-days for the first couple of weeks, but I highly doubted that Josh would follow that advice. Josh had his own sense of what was best for him. Unfortunately, his sense was usually wrong.

Sometimes it made me wonder why I even put up with him. Granted, I did kind of force my way into being his assistant in the first place, but he can be such a jerk. I think it's because he needs to have the illusion that he is in control. After he got home from the hospital I had to make up all kinds of rules for him, which he complained about to no end, but now he's better so I guess they worked.

It was strange being at work and not having him there. I did take extended lunch breaks to be with him, but the rest of the time the office was too quiet. Everyone noticed it, I guess we never knew how much we would miss him until we almost lost him.

I shudder to think of what could've happened. I mean I wasn't there when the actual shooting occurred but I still feel like I was. I was there at the hospital when Josh was in surgery and I have been at work when he wasn't. Believe me the White House is better with Mr. Ego around.

Josh was furious when he found out that no one called me and that I had to see it on the news. I told him that it didn't matter. I saw the relief in his eyes though and I know that he was happy that I wasn't there. But I wish I could've been. I may have been a wreck, but I would've told him how much he meant to me.

Oops, I guess it's out now. I love Josh Lyman. I love the man that almost died on some cement steps when I wasn't there. I love a man who is totally clueless that I am in love with him. And that's okay as long as he is alive.

Roslyn, Virginia 6:30 am

I never could get back to sleep so I decided that it would be best to just get up. I watched some crazy infomercial about tanning oil because believe it or not there is nothing on at five in the morning. I was so sleep-deprived that I almost bought some of the tanning oil. I didn't because Donna would probably flip and I hate it when she is mad at me. I hate it, yet I seem to make her mad at least fifteen times a day. It must be the stupid-guy complex thing. I dunno.

While I was watching the infomercial I got another crazy idea, I was reminded of the saying, "It's just like falling off a horse, you just have to dust yourself off and get back on." I'm not exactly sure who first coined that phrase, and I highly doubt that they meant it to mean that you revisit a place where you almost died, but I went anyway.

I walked over to the place where the fence had been that night. The fence that I had been pushed in to. The events of that night came flooding back and I could see it happening all over again. Like I did that night I found my way to the steps and I collapsed against the wall.

I felt like I couldn't breathe all over again. After a moment the feeling passed and I glanced down and noticed where I had shed blood. I touched the spot with my hand. They didn't kill me that night and they weren't gonna kill me today.

"Josh?" A soft and concerned voice called out.

I turned my head and I saw Leo headed towards me. He was very concerned. Leo was not the person that I wanted to see right now. I didn't need him to think that I was falling apart. He already had enough to worry about.

"Josh what are you doing here?" Leo asked as he kneeled down beside me.

"I don't know." I said weakly but then I began to wonder what he was doing there. "I guess I could ask you the same question."

"Busted." Leo admitted. "I come here to think sometimes."

Wow, I never would have thought that Leo would come to such a morbid place like this to think. Granted, I did but I needed to find someway to sleep through the night and I was running out of options. But Leo he was different, he should have another way to deal with this.

"I come here so I don't turn to my friend the bottle. I come here so I can apologize to your father. So I can make up for..." Leo began but I stopped him.

"Leo, this wasn't your fault." I interrupted.

"Josh, that is so easy to say but so hard to accept." Leo snapped.

I was taken back by that. Leo never snapped at me unless I had really messed up. I guess I must've had a shell shocked look on my face because Leo patted my shoulder.

"I didn't mean for that to sound like that." He said with a heavy sigh. "But I do feel partly responsible because I was the one who asked you to come work for Bartlet."

"Leo..." I began but he cut me off.

"Josh, I have always thought of you as a son and I couldn't imagine you dying and yet you almost died on this very spot. Yet, I wasn't here when they found you. And I wasn't there while you were in surgery. I promised your father that if something ever happened to him that I would look out for you. I swore to him that I would..." Leo's voice trailed off and there were tears in his eyes.

"I'm okay." I said even though I knew that I wasn't.

Leo looked at me and he kinda smiled. "I guess I should've known that you weren't going to die. I mean who else would come up with a secret plan to..."

"Ahhh, so now you're going to bring up all of my mistakes." I said with a laugh.

"Yeah. Josh, I have to go meet with the President. Don't stay here too long." Leo said as he gave me one last pat before he left.

Outside Josh Lyman's Office 7:00 am

Okay so I have been staring at the clock for the past half and hour. I of all people know how much Josh likes to sleep in, so why should today be any different? And Leo did tell him to take as long as he needed so maybe he wasn't coming in today after all. I could call him but then he would complain that I was babying him, so I guess I will wait for a while.

I turn my attention back to my computer, which has been repeatedly freezing up. I curse at it and when that doesn't help I place a call to the technicians. But they are busy with some other problem, so I have to wait. The nerve of them, making something else come first.

To solve my dilemma I decide that maybe I should use Josh's computer. I mean it hasn't exactly been used a lot lately. So it should be pretty rested.

I sat down and not more than a minute later, C.J. and Sam come barging in. I guess they have picked up my bad habit of not knocking before I enter. I can see the smiles fall from their faces. They expected me to be Josh.

"Guys its seven." I said softly.

"I thought that maybe he had given up his habit of sleeping in." C.J. mused.

"Man, you must think that we are pathetic." Sam replied.

"I'll second that opinion." Toby called from the doorway.

"I guess that means I triple it?" Charlie asked from his spot behind Toby.

"Sorry, I just came in here to use the computer. Mine isn't working again." I apologized.

"Hey Sam, we gotta get to the Hill. Senator Hoyes..." Toby began but was interrupted with groans from everyone.

"I have to miss Senior staff for her?" Sam whined.

"Yup, and her feminist friends." Toby replied in a sarcastic voice.

"Hey." I protested.

"Donna, Ashley Hoyes is a whole nother type of feminist and you know it." C.J. stated.

"So you guys gonna be there all day?" I asked.

"Probably." Toby stated as Sam groaned.

"Oh Donna, before I forget Leo needs you to help Margaret later. Something about the Library of Congress." Charlie said.

I nodded as they all left. I didn't want to help Margaret; I wanted to be here for Josh. But then again he might not be in at all today or even all week. I seriously thought about calling him, but I knew he wouldn't appreciate a call until at least nine.

I turned back to my work on Josh's computer. I became so engrossed in it that I didn't even notice when the President came in a short time later.

"Donna?" He asked.

"What? Josh isn't here yet. And no I don't know if he's coming in today." I snapped without looking up.

"Okay." He replied slowly as it finally dawned on me who I was snapping at.

"Mr. President, I am so sorry. I didn't mean anything by it..." I stammered.

"Donna, it's okay. Tell Josh that I would like to speak with him when he comes in." President Bartlet said.

"Okay, I will." I replied, knowing that I could get in big trouble for snapping at the leader of the free world.

"Relax, I'm not going to bring it up with anyone." President Bartlet assured me.

 

 

  


	2. Life Went On 2

 

Disclaimer: I don't own most of these characters but I wish I could. Tucker Watt, however is my own creation.

Life went on Part 2

Outside Josh Lyman's Office 7:45 am

I needed some more time to compose myself after Leo left. And after I finally did I realized that Donna was going to be mad because I was late. So I came in bearing her favorite latte and a muffin. I couldn't believe how quietly I had been able to slip in. In fact, no one even noticed me. When I got to Donna's desk I saw that she wasn't at her desk, but I placed that latte and the muffin down anyway.

"No, Josh isn't in right now. I'm sorry but Mr. Lyman isn't in yet. I wish I knew when he was coming in. Yeah, I'll give him the message." Donna said as she slammed down the phone.

I winced and I snuck in to my office. I saw Donna sitting at my desk and typing at my computer, still upset about the phone call.

"Like I'm going to give Josh the message. The last thing he needs right now is to give an interview about how it feels to be back to work. He needs to be at work. Dammit Josh, it's almost eight, where are you?" Donna called out.

I stood in the corner of my office and pondered that question. Donna obviously hadn't heard me come in. I couldn't help but wonder who she was really mad at, that reporter or me? I also wondered why she was at my desk, using my computer. Before I could ask her the phone rang again.

"Josh Lyman's office, Donna Moss speaking. Hi, no he's not in yet. I know Leo wants us to go to the library. I was just waiting for a technician to look at my computer, but I can come now. Okay bye." Donna said as she hung up the phone.

I watched her gather a few things and head out of the office. I called her name but she didn't hear me. I tried again, but she was halfway down the hall. I could've yelled her name, because I do tend to do that a lot, but I knew she was already in a bad mood. So I just let her walk away.

I sighed and I sat down at my desk. I looked at the stack of work that Donna had left me. Strangely, it wasn't near as high of a stack as it normally was. I remembered that I needed my schedule so I went and grabbed it off of Donna's desk. My gifts were still sitting where I had left them. I shook my head and went to work.

My schedule was very light. In fact the only thing that was written was a senior staff meeting at nine-thirty. I glanced over a few of my files to prepare me for that meeting. I wasn't exactly sure what I would be expected to know, but at least I could be somewhat prepared.

Around nine-thirty I gathered a few things up and I headed to Leo's office. His office was empty. I waited for a few minutes before I realized that the meeting must have been cancelled or something. I happened to notice Leo's schedule out and a line through the meeting. I sighed as I also noticed what was scribbled on the back of a memo.

Sam and Toby-on the hill (Senator Hoyes among others)

C.J.-with the President at the hill, maybe pentagon

Donna and Margaret- Library of Congress

Me-with C.J. for the morning- V.P. Hoynes later???

Josh-??? still at home???

I hung my head and I walked dejectedly back to my office. No one had even bothered to try and find me. Let alone tell me where they were going. Maybe Donna was wrong; maybe my ego could be replaced.

Outside Josh Lyman's office 5:15 pm

I spent the whole day at the library. I hate looking up stuff all day. I walked to my computer and noticed a cute little out of order sign. The technicians weren't funny. They only seemed to listen to Josh, because he was the only one who got them to work on my stuff in a timely matter.

As I sat down I realized that there was a cup of coffee and a muffin. I knew that I hadn't put it there and I was pretty sure that it didn't come from the technicians. That left only one person, Josh.

I went into his office and I noticed that the files I had left on his desk, had been scattered about in the Josh-like fashion. I also noticed his appointment book had a few appointments listed for tomorrow. I knew for a fact that it had been blank because it was Zoey's birthday so the President would be at Camp David, Leo and C.J. had some personal things to attend to, Sam and Toby were still going to be at the Hill, and I had to go to a stupid assistant training thing. No one was going to be here for him.

"Come in, Donna." C.J. called as I knocked on her door. "What's the matter with you?"

"Did you see Josh today?" I asked slowly.

"Josh wasn't in this morning...wait I did leave at seven-thirty with the President. I just got back, why what happened?" C.J. asked with concern.

"Um, Josh was here today and I was at the library with Margaret." I said.

"And Sam and Toby were with Ashley..." C.J. trailed off.

"Josh isn't going to be happy." I said quietly.

"No, I'd say that he is going to be very upset." C.J. replied. "We had better go tell Leo."

I followed C.J. to Leo's office. Sam and Toby were already there. Leo let us in after we knocked. Sam and Toby shot us surprised looks, because we looked like a bomb had gone off.

"Guys, what's wrong?" Leo asked.

"Josh was here today." C.J. stated.

"Oh good, send him in, the president and I need to talk to him." Leo said.

"No, he was here but he isn't anymore." I said lamely.

"What?" Leo asked, confused.

"I think that they are trying to say that Josh came to work today but that nobody was here to notice." Toby theorized.

"Oh man. First, Ashley and now this. Can my day get any worse?" Sam moaned.

"Shut up, Sam." C.J. said sharply.

"I saw him today." Leo said, causing everyone to look at him.

"So he was mad huh?" Toby asked.

"I saw him today but not here." Leo said quietly.

"Leo, what do you mean that you didn't see him here? Where else would you have gone to see him?" C.J. asked.

"Did you know he was coming in? I mean did you ask him?" I asked before he could answer C.J.'s question.

"I forgot to ask him." Leo replied.

"Guys, this is worse than we thought." Sam said.

"Sam! Stop being so dramatic." Toby ordered.

"I'm serious. Josh told me while he was still in the hospital, that his biggest fear was that he would come back to work and no one would even notice him." Sam began.

"And no one even noticed." I lamented.

"Our second problem is tomorrow." Toby brought up.

"Being what?" Sam asked.

"The fact that none of us, not even the president is going to be here tomorrow." C.J. stated absently.

"That's right. Donna have you tried to call him?" Leo asked.

"Well, I paged him but I found his pager in his office. I would call his cell phone but it was damaged that night and he hasn't gotten around to getting it fixed. And I was going to call his house, but what was I supposed to say? Sorry, that your own assistant didn't even acknowledge your presence. Sam's right, we're in deep trouble." I replied.

"Why does the words Sam and right belong in the same category as Josh and right?" Toby joked lamely.

"Hey." Sam protested.

"I'll fix this." Leo stated, even though he had no idea how.

"No Leo, we all should take the blame." C.J. said realizing for the first time where Leo had seen Josh this morning.

Georgetown Bar 6:30 pm

I knew that Donna would kill me if she knew where I was right now, and if she knew what I was about to do. But I didn't really give a damn. I hadn't seen any of my so-called friends at all today, even though I had left messages with all of them. So when an old college buddy of mine Tucker, called and suggested we go out drinking, I took him up on his offer.

So here I was nursing my first bottle of beer waiting for Tucker to show up. Granted, I was a little early, but I had just had a terrible day. I needed to drink my problems away.

It still amazed me just how much work I did today. I can't believe how much smoother things go when no one interrupts me. And I didn't even scream Donna's name once. That never ever happens. Maybe I don't need an assistant after all. Or maybe it was just dumb luck, since I only had a teeny bit of work.

At the very least I expected her to show up around lunchtime or so, because when I was at home she came by for lunch every day. But she didn't even come back to her desk. And there weren't any messages on my machine at home. They had just flat out ignored me today. Maybe I could be replaced.

Thoughts like those were why I was so willing to go out with Tucker. He had called me and said that his wife of nine years had just left him. I agreed to try and help him, even though I had only met his wife once and the only way to properly describe her was to call her a bitch. But at least Tucker wouldn't nag me about drinking too much; his system was more sensitive than mine.

"Josh what am I going to do?" Tucker moaned after he sat down.

"I don't know, maybe you'll be better off without her." I suggested, even though he shot me a killer look.

"But she is my life. I can't function without her. She is the only person who can put up with my..." Tucker's words went on, but I lost him after I can't function without her.

That was what I always said about Donna. That I couldn't function without her. That I couldn't do my job without her holding my per verbal hand. At least not without pissing most of the country off.

But today I think I did a pretty good job of not pissing anybody off. Of course, the phone calls that I did make were to people in congress who actually liked me, not the ones who only pretended to. And I didn't really talk to that many people...but still I think I did more than okay for my first day back.

I tried to help Tucker and it wasn't long before we were both pretty drunk. I knew that I would have a killer headache in the morning, but I didn't care. I didn't care and neither did Tucker Watt, my friend from Harvard. The one friend who had called me today.


	3. Life Went On 3

 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but I wish I could.

Life went on

By Mer

Part 3

Donna Moss's apartment 12:30 am

So I haven't been able to get to sleep yet. I keep thinking about what Josh must be going through. I heard his sad voice on my answering machine telling me to call him when I got the message. But I didn't call him. All I have done since I got home was repeat the message over and over again.

It makes me wonder about the tone of Josh's voice. Was it just my imagination or was he crying? It breaks my heart to listen to it, which is why I keep doing it. I of all people know how fragile Josh has been lately. I've seen the stuff that he tries to cover up. So why did I go and be so stupid.

Maybe I was following Leo's orders. But Josh is my boss. I should've at least left him a note or something. And if Margaret and I hadn't gossiped with Bonnie and Ginger for two hours, I might have gotten back to my desk before Josh left. But I didn't.

I guess the one good thing about this was that he did go home early. At least I think he did. And I did notice that he had something for lunch, because I saw the crumbs. Oh man, it was the first time that I haven't had lunch with him for a long time. He must really think that I hate him. I can't imagine what he must be going through. I mean especially after he fought me to let him go back to work sooner. I refused to budge saying that he had to get an okay from his doctor first. The doctor okayed him on Friday, so I was surprised that he didn't go to work over the weekend.

After our meeting with Leo, C.J. told me that she thinks that Leo saw Josh at the place where he almost died. I couldn't imagine why either one of them would want to go back there. I know that I never wanted to go there, and I wasn't there that night. But it only makes me feel worse about not being there for him today. Josh needed me and I let him down.

And in six hours I have to go to this really stupid all-day training. All of the White House assistants have to go and learn how to be proper assistants. I think that it will be a complete waste of time, but I can't get out of it. Even Mrs. Landingham, who has been the President's assistant forever has to go. So the bullpen is going to be pretty bare. The White House is going to look like a ghost town. And Josh is going to be pissed.

Josh Lyman's Office 6:45 am

I got here early today. I felt like crap but luckily I didn't really look hung over. Donna will notice and she will get mad at me. Come to think of it she should already be here. Oh well, I don't think I can handle screaming right now anyway.

I did, however, sleep through the night. It was the first time that I have in a long, long time. Who knew that I had to get drunk to make the nightmares go away? Maybe I should use that excuse with Donna. Yeah it's good up until the point that I admit I'm having nightmares. She'd kill me for not telling her. So I'm pretty much screwed either way.

I suddenly realize that Donna has a lot of reasons to murder me. Maybe I should be having nightmares about her. I imagine dreams about her killing me would be similar to the Easter Bunny coming after me with a machine gun or something. Kind of comical, really. Naw, Donna wouldn't have the heart.

I noticed that the stack of work I left scattered yesterday had magically disappeared. In its place was a lot of new files. The stack was slightly higher, but not anywhere near a full days work. I think of it as like the more I behave the more work that I get allowed to do. Hopefully, the upward climb won't take too long.

I am still annoyed that nobody returned my phone calls. Not a single one of them called to check on me, or to apologize. I figured that aside from Donna, Leo would be the first to give me a ring. I mean he did see my state of mind earlier, but maybe he's trying to give me some space. But come on, how much space do I really need? It's not like I have the plaque or something.

I worked on some of the files and then I glanced back up at the clock. It's nearly ten. It's nearly ten and no one has been in to see me. I drop the file that I was holding and I went to explore. The place was as silent as a tomb. I guess I must of missed National Stay at Home Day, because no one is around.

As I turned to walk back to my office I saw a flier hanging on a bulletin board. The flier was about some workshop that the assistants were to attend. I saw the cryptic way it was worded which to me meant, and don't even try to have your boss get you out of it. Leo must have made this memo because he knew that I would never allow Donna to attend.

Dejectedly, I walked back to my office. I saw that I had no messages on my machine. Not that I figured I would. I was starting to get beyond mad, I was starting to get extremely worried. Maybe there was a reason that no one noticed me. Maybe I wasn't even truly alive, like this was some sort of dream or something.

"Ouch." I said after I smacked myself. Nope I definitely wasn't dreaming.

Assistant Conference 1:56 p.m.

Okay now I am getting really bored here. No one really cares about the proper way to type a memo. Josh doesn't ever really complain about that. He does however think I should re- learn proper penmanship, but I like my unique style.

Everyone is still amazed that none of us witnessed Josh being here yesterday. The other assistants have been making fun of me. Especially, once they found out that Josh brought me coffee. I tried to shrug it off, but a comment that Margaret made struck me as being a little odd. She said that I act like I'm Leo's assistant now.

I don't want to be Leo's assistant. In fact, I am perfectly happy being Josh's assistant. Well, most of the time anyway. Man, is he going to be mad at me when I finally get up the nerve to talk to him. Tomorrow, I swear I will talk to him tomorrow.

Sam promised that he would call and talk to Josh today. Man, I hope he makes good on that promise. Somebody needs to tell Josh that we really didn't forget he existed. Maybe the fresh pile of work on his desk will be that sign. No, Josh will still be mad.

Josh Lyman's Apartment 3:00 p.m.

Okay, now I'm beginning to wonder what is wrong with everybody. When I was recovering everyone called at least once a day. They even tried to get Donna to let them to visit. But now, nothing. What in the world is going on?

I did at least know where the president was today. I knew it was Zoey's birthday. So help me I actually remembered on my own over the weekend and I had sent her a card. She should have gotten it in time for today. But for the rest of them, I don't know what to think.

None of my phone messages have gotten returned. And get this I saw a replay of C.J.'s press briefing and she was asked a question about me. One of the reporters asked if I had come back to work and C.J. didn't answer the question. Nobody else picked up on it, but that was like a blow to my gut.

C.J. and I were pretty close. I mean she was like a really great friend. We used to talk a lot before I was shot. Why was she suddenly avoiding me now? What did I do to make her avoid me?

And Sam's avoidance was even worse. I mean he was my best friend. How could he not realize I was there? How he could he of all people not return my messages? I couldn't believe it.  
Especially, since I told him what my greatest fear was. But I never in a million years thought it would come true.

I thought about how much fun I had drinking last night, but I figured it wouldn't be a good idea to do it two nights in a row. I wasn't completely stupid. Plus, I did have to spend the day at the hill. Ugh, I hated most of the senators that I was going to talk to. But at least they had returned my phone calls.

I had run out of work by one so I had even gone home early for the second day in a row. Ugh, here I was being the good boy and no one was even there to pat me on the back. And let me tell you, it was a crushing blow to my ego.

Donna's desk 6 p.m.

Well the stupid training finally got over and I ran to Josh's office. But Josh wasn't there. I went in anyway and found the same type of file mess I as I had yesterday. I also noticed that he had the schedule book open. I frowned as I realized he had set up meetings all day tomorrow. I wondered what he was trying to accomplish by overloading himself with work.

While I was in his office the phone rang. I picked it up as a reflex.

"Josh Lyman's Office, Donna Moss speaking." I said.

"Donna?" Sam asked.

"Hey Sam, what's up?" I asked.

"Can I talk to Josh?" Sam asked.

"He's not here Sam." I said in an annoyed voice.

"I meant to call him earlier but..." Sam's voice trailed off.

"Oh God you forgot didn't you?" I asked even though I already knew he had.

"Uh huh." Sam admitted slowly.

"Sam, how could you, you're his best friend." I moaned.

"Hey you didn't even know he was there yesterday, and he's your boss." Sam replied.

Point taken, I thought angrily. Damn, we are screwed definitely screwed. Everyone called him at least once a day when he was at home recovering, yet now he's been back for two and we haven't even bothered to say hello to him.

"Donna" Sam said, bringing my attention back to him on the phone.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Have you talked to C.J. or Leo today?" Sam asked.

"No I was at that stupid training." I replied.

"I think Toby forgot too. And I'm sure that the president doesn't even realize that Josh came back." Sam stated slowly.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked.

"There is an early meeting tomorrow morning. I believe it's at six-thirty, long before Josh usually comes in." Sam joked.

"He's going to be at the Hill all day tomorrow anyway. His first meeting is at...oh god his first meeting is at six." I replied.

"Josh getting up that early?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Apparently." I muttered.

"Okay then we will form a plan tomorrow." Sam assured me.

"Should we really keep pushing this off?" I asked.

"Probably not, but I'm sure one more night won't hurt. I mean he's already probably pissed at us." Sam theorized.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning." I replied slowly.

"He'll get over this." Sam assured me.

"God, I hope so." I replied as I hung up the phone.


	4. Life Went On 4

 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but I wish I could. But I guess the Senator's in this part are mine.

Life went on

By Mer

Part 4

(Southold's Restaurant �6:20 a.m.)

"Well, Josh I am quite glad that I can be of some service. 523 is a good bill and I will throw some of my weight behind it." Senator Adam Johnson assured me.

"That's wonderful." I said as I took a bite of my waffles.

I really didn't want to be at this meeting. But I needed Senator Johnson's support and the only slot he had open was the breakfast slot. His secretary was kind of surprised that I agreed to take it. I guess my tendency for sleeping in was well known. I agreed to the meeting because I couldn't wait three weeks to talk to him.

"Josh are you going to talk to Senator Lyle? I'm sure that she will agree with this." Senator Johnson asked.

"She's on my list of things to do today." I replied.

"Really? I didn't think she was your type." Senator Johnson laughed as my cheeks reddened. "Relax, I knew what you meant. What about Senator Abbott?"

"He's my next appointment." I replied.

"Henry might be a tough sell. He still thinks he got screwed over on the last bill that the president sent up to the Hill." Senator Johnson replied.

"I'm aware of this." I replied.

"What is the bill that Toby and Sam are trying to press through?" Senator Johnson asked.

I had no idea what he was talking about. From the note in Leo's office I knew they were having meetings but I had no idea what bill it was. I was pretty sure Adam was asking whether or not he should throw his support behind that one too. He trusted my judgment.

"You don't know do you?" Senator Johnson concluded.

"I'm not fully back in the loop yet." I admitted.

Now if that wasn't an understatement. Of course I wasn't in the loop, because nobody had chosen to include me. Nobody had chosen to even recognize I still existed. I sat at home last night waiting for them to call, and no one did. Okay, so I was watching a movie that I hadn't seen in forever. But I was still home they could've called.

"What's it like being back at work?" Senator Johnson asked.

"Really strange." I replied honestly.

"I bet everyone missed you. I know I missed having you harass me." Senator Johnson joked.

"Yeah well..." I started.

"Don't worry I totally understand if you don't want to talk about it. I doubt I would want to if it were me. I'm just glad that you are okay." Senator Johnson said.

"Thank you." I replied.

(The Oval Office-6:30 a.m.)

I was surprised to learn that the meeting had been moved into the Oval Office. I could only guess what the President would have to say about this. Everyone filed in. They were kind of surprised to see me there, but I think they knew why.

"It has come to my attention that Josh has been back to work for two days now and no one has acknowledged his presence." President Bartlet began.

"That's correct." Sam muttered.

"Donna, is he going to be in the office today?" President Bartlet asked.

"No, he's up at the Hill all day." I replied slowly.

"Guys how could we have let this happen?" President Bartlet asked.

"We've been busy, sir?" Toby tried.

"Oh and you really think that Josh is going to buy that excuse?" Leo asked.

"No." Toby admitted.

"He even remembered Zoey's birthday yesterday and no one has talked to him since Sunday?" President Bartlet asked.

"Friday." I sighed.

"What?" President Bartlet asked.

"No one has really talked to him since Friday." I replied slowly.

"No one has talked to him in five days?" President Bartlet asked.

"Apparently not, sir." Leo said not wanting to bring up his encounter with Josh.

"And why am I just learning about this, this morning? Hell, I would've called him yesterday if you guys had told me that he had been back to work. But I only found out ten minutes ago." President Bartlet replied.

"Because we thought that we could handle this." Leo replied.

"How long have you known that he came back to work on Monday?" President Bartlet asked.

"Monday afternoon, evening, something like that." Toby replied.

"And you guys didn't call him yesterday because?" President Bartlet asked.

"There was the assistant's training..." I said.

"I was in meetings all day..." Toby defended.

"I was with...someone..." C.J. said.

"I was with my sister..." Leo said.

"I was in meetings all day and then he was gone when I tried to call." Sam stuttered.

"Did you call him at home?" President Bartlet asked.

"No." We all replied.

"I say we owe Josh a surprise party." President Bartlet concluded.

"A surprise party, sir?" Toby asked.

"Uh huh. He has to know that we didn't forget him." President Bartlet stated firmly.

"And just where are we going to hold this surprise party?" C.J. asked hoping to keep her apartment off-limits.

"Donna do you still have the key to Josh's apartment?" President Bartlet asked.

"You want to hold a surprise party in Josh's apartment?" Sam asked.

"Are you sure that it's clean enough?" Toby smirked.

"I have the key." I said slowly.

"I think maybe Donna and I should be the ones who prepare the apartment for the gathering." C.J. stated.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Then it's settled." President Bartlet stated.

"Is it just me or does anyone else think that breaking into Josh's apartment is a bad idea?" Leo asked.

"Leo, what else would you suggest?" President Bartlet asked.

"I guess I don't have any..." Leo's voice trailed.

"Donna when is his last meeting?" President Bartlet asked.

"Five-thirty with Senator Harrington." I replied.

"Oh man Harrington huh?" Toby cringed.

"Glad its him and not us." Sam muttered.

"Okay lets all prepare to meet at his apartment at five-thirty then." President Bartlett stated.

"Yes, sir." We all replied.

I couldn't help but think that maybe Leo was right. I was pretty sure Josh wasn't going to be very happy about this invasion of privacy. If he was already upset like we all assumed he was, then he definitely was not going to be thrilled by this latest turn of events.

(Senator Harrington's Office 5:35)

"Josh I think that this is a really good bill and I will back it." Senator Harrington said.

"You will?" I asked stunned.

"Are you surprised?" Senator Harrington asked.

"No, I just thought that you would fight me on it a little." I replied.

"I don't need to fight you on it." Senator Harrington replied gently.

"Why not?" I asked, confused.

"Because I think you have been fighting for it all day, and yet you still have that passion left. If it weren't a bill you truly believed in you would've lost your passion to fight for it by now." Senator Harrington said.

I guess I could agree with him. He smiled and then he shook my hand. I exited his office in a really good mood. 523 was going to pass with an overwhelming majority. I had gotten a few Senators to change their minds but most of them agreed with it anyway.

I started to drive home when I realized that for the third day in a row my pager had not gone off. I decided that it didn't matter. I could deal with this silent treatment. I had actually got a bill ready to be passed on my own. I didn't even need Donna to keep my mouth in check.

I arrived at my apartment and I swore that I heard a noise as I put my key in the lock. I shook my head figuring that I had to be imagining it. I opened the door to a chorus of surprise. I stopped for a moment and then I turned back around and walked back out.

I couldn't believe the nerve of them. They were actually going to celebrate their mistake as if they had planned it all along. I wasn't ready to face them yet. I wasn't ready to hear their lame excuses, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I started to go on a walk.

(Josh Lyman's Apartment)

Oh shit, it's even worse than I thought. I saw the crestfallen look on Josh's face when we yelled surprise. I knew that he would be upset by it, but he looked downright devastated.

"Shouldn't someone go after him?" C.J. asked.

"I'll go." Leo offered.

"No I should go." President Bartlet said.

"Sir." Sam protested.

"I was the one who came up with this surprise party idea. I should go and talk to him." President Bartlet insisted.

 


	5. Life Went On 5

 

Disclaimer: I don't own most of these characters but I wish I could.

Life went on

By Mer

Part 5

(Outside Josh's apartment building)

I didn't really know where I was going. I just had to get away. I expected Donna to come running out telling me that I still wasn't supposed to be outside for long periods of time. I expected her to threaten me with something. But it wasn't Donna who followed me outside.

I guess I shouldn't have expected Donna to be the one who came outside. I mean I hadn't seen her since Friday when she took me to the doctor. I should have seen her way longer before that. But I didn't, so I don't know why I expected her to run after me.

"Josh will you wait up a moment?" President Bartlet called out.

Okay, I think I would much rather have had it of been Donna. But no they had to send the leader of the free world after me. It was as if they didn't think they had tortured me enough. But I stopped like I was commanded. I mean really, wouldn't you stop for the president if he called your name?

"Josh, I know you must be upset. And I can understand why." He began.

"With all due respect, sir I really don't think you do know what it feels like." I replied.

"I guess I deserve that response." President Bartlet replied.

I didn't say anything to him. I just stared at the ground. He had this way about him that made it hard for one to stay mad. But I wanted to stay mad. I deserved to be mad. I deserved to yell at someone, but they anticipated that and they sent the president.

"I'm not here as the president." He said.

Still, I looked at the ground. I nodded to show that I was paying attention to him, but I still couldn't look up at him. I'm pretty sure that he would have those sorrow filled eyes. The same eyes that Donna got when she was guilty of something. Hers I was pretty good at ignoring, but his I was horrible at. I guess it was supposed to be that way.

"Josh, so how does it feel like to be at work?" He asked slowly.

"How does it feel to be back at work? Sir, I really don't think I should answer that question." I replied not wanting to yell at him.

"Josh, I'm here as Jed. I already told you that once. Please believe me when I say that it is okay to yell." He urged.

"I don't really have a reason to yell at you..." I stuttered.

"Josh you remembered Zoey's birthday. You sent her a card and left a gift for her. Even though you had other things on your mind. You even called and left a message to wish her Happy Birthday. Yet, we didn't call you back to thank you. No one called you back. No one went to your desk to see if you were there or not. I mean we all did in the morning, but we should have realized your passion for sleeping in." President Bartlet joked.

"I showed up around eight." I replied, trying to hide the resentment.

"Ah, and I left around seven-thirty and I didn't give you a second thought. You know I talked to everyone but you at least twenty times on Monday." He offered.

"Is this supposed to make me feel better, sir?" I asked.

"No, and I told you to call me Jed right now. Josh, yell at me. Come on give me all you got." He ordered.

I continued to fight the urge. Believe me I wanted to yell, but the secret service agents were only two feet away. I wasn't really sure that it was a good idea. Plus, we were outside and what would happen if someone from the press drove by. C.J. would never let me here the end of it.

"Josh, yell at me dammit. Yell at me. Give me all you got. And if anyone says anything tell them that it was a direct order from Josiah Bartlet himself." He ordered.

"Fine, you want me to yell at you then I will yell at you. Just tell me that you want me to yell at you about because believe me there is a lot that I have been holding back." I exploded.

"What's it been like at work?" President Bartlet asked.

"It's been like working in a freaking ghost town. How would you like it if you went to work for two days and no one talked to you at all. How would you like it if no one returned any of your phone calls, and then one of your friends was asked a question about you point blankly at a press conference and the question was ignored. And by the third day you're beginning to wonder whether there was a reason that you survived getting shot. If there was a reason that you ever liked the job with the crappy hours. If there was a reason that you defended a job that almost got you killed." I shouted.

"That's good Josh. Go on." He urged.

"When I was recovering Donna had to fight you off with a stick so that you didn't overtax me. I guess she must have done a pretty damn good job because all of a sudden you guys acted like I just dropped off the face of the earth. I went from someone you counted on to someone you forgot even existed. I might as well just quit." I snapped.

"We don't want you to quit." He assured.

"How was your first day back at work?" I exploded.

"Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I mean they fussed..." He began but I cut him off.

"They fussed over you and made sure that you weren't working too hard. They made sure that you were taking it easy. Nobody did that for me. Nobody made sure that I was okay. My day wasn't anywhere close to ordinary. All day long Senators told me how glad they were that I didn't die that night. And how excited everyone must be to have me back at work. And when they asked me about it, I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say anything because I don't think they would've liked to hear how things really were. How..." I yelled until I was so angry that I slumped to the ground.

I was so upset that I began to shake. President Bartlet waved off the secret service agents who were afraid that something was seriously wrong with me. Instead he sat down on the sidewalk next to me. He put his reassuring hand and my shoulder and he just let me sit there.

(Inside Josh's apartment)

"Haven't they been gone a really long time now?" Sam asked.

"Yeah but maybe we should just leave them be." Leo stated.

"Josh really shouldn't stay outside." I protested.

"Donna, I think Josh being outside is the least of our problems." Toby remarked.

"I'm just worried that he will get sick." I defended.

"He's not going to die from a cold, if he were that fragile he would still be remanded indoors." C.J. stated.

"You don't suppose he's yelling at the president do you?" Sam asked.

"Oh God I hope not. Do you know what a nightmare it would be for me to have to explain that to the press?" C.J. moaned.

"Just like you answered the direct question, so very well yesterday." Sam commented.

"What direct question?" C.J. asked.

"You honestly don't remember being asked if it were good having Josh back at work?" Toby asked.

"What did I say?" C.J. asked with a horrified look.

"You ducked the question." I remarked.

"Does Josh know?" C.J. asked with the same look on her face.

"We aren't sure." I replied.

"C.J. I'm sure that Josh knows you didn't mean it." Leo assured.

"But I didn't mean to ignore the question. I would've told them the truth." C.J. protested.

"So you would've told them that you don't know what it's like having Josh back at work, because you hadn't even seen him, even though you knew that he had been there?" Sam asked.

"Well, I would've made it sound better than that." C.J. replied.

"Yeah, sure." Toby replied rolling his eyes.

"Maybe we should just go. It's obvious that he doesn't want us here." I said.

"Donna, we've been running from him for too long now." Leo pointed out.

"Yeah we can't just keep putting him off forever." Sam concluded.

(Outside Josh's apartment)

"Josh, I know this might not mean a whole lot, but we all are very sorry for what we have done." President Bartlet said once I had calmed down.

"I know." I replied slowly.

"We got caught up in our jobs. You are important to us. Your job is very important. I'm sorry that it got you shot at." He said softly.

"It's not your fault." I replied.

"I feel like it is." He admitted.

"We were both shot. That wasn't anyone's fault but the people who shot us." I replied.

"I know. So what do you say, do you forgive us?" He asked.

"A surprise party?" I asked.

"Yeah, I know it was my lame idea but I could tell you all about the history of..." He started.

"No, that's quite all right. As long as you guys brought some beer." I replied.

"But you have such a delicate system." He mocked.

"Remind me to fire Donna." I laughed as I helped him up.

We walked back into my apartment together. Everyone said that they were sorry and hugs went all around. The coolest thing about it all, well if there could be a cool thing in all of this, was that they bought me a DVD player. I groaned when I realized that the only DVD that they brought to play in it was The American President.

Donna came to talk to me before the movie started and I told her not to worry about it. She just wrapped her arms around me and cried a little bit. I told her that I had enough ammo to cause plenty of guilt trips. To that she just smiled and mentioned a secret plan to fight inflation. God, I loved my friends. Even if they were frustrating sometimes.

The end


End file.
